My artwork

Untitled (Circa 2001)

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the official start of the holiday season, and I absolutely love the holiday season. My favorite, hands down, is Christmas. I'm a sucker for glitter, and lights, and, most of all, love.  Unfortunately, for the last six weeks I have been sick. First it was an inflamed larynx, and now a sinus infection. I am not at all fibbing when I tell you that I have never in my thirty years of existence been sick for this length of time. However, I am also not fibbing when I tell you that I believe everything happens for a reason. At this particular moment in my life, I am sure, for several reasons, that I am supposed to be seriously slowing down and taking care of myself first, and I have to confess that even with being sick, I haven't been fully doing this. So, the Universe has a funny way of making things happen sometimes.

As a result of being run-down and ill, I will not be traveling to visit my family tomorrow, nor will I be going to anyone else's festivities; I'm simply not able to really function and am in dire need of rest. I admit I am nervous to be alone tomorrow. However, I have to remind myself that there are places nearby I can go if I so desire, and families I can join if I suddenly feel well. More importantly though, I need to remind myself that simply because I may be physically alone on Thanksgiving, that doesn't mean that I will be emotionally alone, it doesn't mean I am not loved, and it especially doesn't mean that I will be spiritually alone. If you are celebrating your gratitude in solitude as well, I believe this is the same for all of us.

Therefore, on this Thanksgiving, I am choosing to remind myself of how grateful I am that love exists as a guidepost in my life. I'm forever trying to stay guided by it ("trying" being the key word as I'm only human!) It is this that has allowed me to have amazing relationships with people and to continue to grow and have even better relationships as a result. Loving connections and relationships are what it's all about anyway. 

Have a beautiful holiday, and let us all remember what we are grateful for.

Today's quote

"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky." (Rabindranath Tagore)

Several years ago, to me, life seemed like a succession of painful occurrences, or storms, dotted with tiny bits of hyperactivity and elation. My perception of reality was totally screwed up, and I couldn't seem to figure out how to be happy or calm. Then, I finally found a way. Since then, life has become a series of moments, some up, some down, some in between, but all contributing to a greater sense of peace and contentment. 

The "clouds" of life these days help me practice acceptance and love, the sunshine helps me practice gratitude, and all of it helps me to grow. Sometimes a shift in perception and the willingness to see and do things differently can take you in a completely new direction. If you are feeling lost or unhappy, "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find." This quote has not been repeated a trillion times for nothing. Time and time again, those who truly ask and seek, do find. The answers probably won't come to you in the way that you think, but they will come in whatever way you can take them in (this is why there are a million forms of spiritual discovery), because we are all meant to be happy and know love.

Today, I thank the Universe for my life and hope that I can do a lot of good with it.

My artwork

Self-Esteem (Circa 2001)

Law & Order addict

Lately, when I want to blow off steam and need a little brain candy, I will turn on Law & Order. Although I always thought that these criminal investigation shows were, for the most part, harmless to me, I have had my suspicions. For example, why is it that sometimes, when I am alone after watching the show, I will suddenly have to run from the kitchen straight into my bedroom and turn on the light as quickly as possible with my heart thumping in order to avoid being in the dark for too long? Or, why do I flinch when I am lying in bed and hear an odd sound come from the other room and think to myself, "Has a rapist broken in?"

In all seriousness, I really believe that our minds process these scary stories that we expose ourselves to and integrate them into our consciousness. To give another example, it seems that the more often I watch a show like Law & Order, the more frequently my mind is quick to recall a violent image I have seen when something in the real world is similar to it or triggers it. 

If I think about what I know about my own mind just from my own experience, without going into the research (which I am sure would support my theory), it points to the idea that what we repeatedly expose ourselves to is likely to have an effect on the way our minds work and how we feel. For example, all of the times in my life when I have practiced using an affirmation, I saw a clear and distinct infiltration of the saying's meaning into my actions and thoughts. These two experiences, the negative impact of watching Law & Order on my nerves and the positive effects of affirmations on my thoughts, lead me to believe that not only does what I allow to repeatedly surround me impact my emotions and thoughts, but that I also need to stop watching so much Law & Order.

9/11

Today is a day for sending out tons of love and I'll be doing just that. I am especially thinking of those who lost someone. I hope they know they are not alone. When someone is lost through an act of fear, we all - the whole world - bear that loss. ♥

Are you an organ donor?

My birthday is in three days, so tonight I was filling out a driver's license renewal form when there it was, the "Be An Organ Donor" signature line. I felt very uncomfortable leaving it blank, yet I felt equally uncomfortable signing it. I sat there for a good twenty minutes...somewhere caught in the middle.

I am somewhat ashamed to admit this because I try to aim for living a spiritually generous life, and what could be more generous than giving a part of your life to someone else so that they can live? Or, so they can at least live better? However, the idea of people cutting into my body and taking parts of it left me feeling anxious and, honestly, a little sad. I felt suspicious of what they would do with my organs, scared that I wouldn't be treated with respect, and also had this feeling of anticipated loss (a feeling my current self was feeling for my deceased self, if that makes any sense). At the same time, I was so intrigued that I felt such attachment towards, and protective of, my body! After all, I knew that I did want to give of myself to another person in this way. And, mentally, I was aware that it is just a body. I am not my body; I am the spiritual force within it.

So, I enlisted the support of a few people to help me come to my senses. After sending a random text to my mother asking, "Are you an organ donor?" She replied yes and then when I told her my apprehension about donating she explained, "Your body is just a vehicle for your soul...So many people could benefit." 

Then, later on, my friend told me that her father's eyes were donated when he passed away. Afterwards, her family received a letter in the mail telling them that a little boy could now see because of their father's gift. How amazing is that? I can't even tell you how much that fills my heart with love.

I signed the "Be An Organ Donor" line immediately.

Off to Europe!

I am off to explore France and Spain and will probably not post until I get back. Please enjoy your own journey for the next few weeks and check in with me when I return at the end of the month!

My artwork

Part of an untitled series (2000)

Never surrender

What a perfect song for expressing the sentiment that you should never give up. Whether the struggle is with love, life, or something you think I can't even imagine, Corey Hart's "Never Surrender" will help you remember that nothing is worth the surrendering of your spirit. And, even when I'm not struggling, this song always throws a little inspiration into my day.