"Have you ever had one of those days where nothing all that monumental happens, but by the end of it you have no idea who you are or what the hell you are doing with your life? Do you ever have one of those days?" - Robin in the sitcom "How I Met Your Mother"
This quote describes me perfectly lately. Sometimes I feel very calm, secure, and confident in what I am doing with my life. Those times when I feel good about where I am at are comforting and I feel content.
However, once in a while, I have moments where suddenly something will strike me emotionally and I'll have a longing that I hadn't felt before, or I'll realize something about myself that had been dormant for awhile or just appeared and will suddenly question all that I'm doing and the whole point of my life. I'll wonder what it is that I truly want my life to be about. I will then either realize something about my journey and find deeper meaning in what I am already doing, or, it will be a bit of a longer period of revelation where I will realize that I need to open up another pathway to walk down. Sometimes that involves letting something go, sometimes it involves adding something, and at times, it consists of both.
Right now, I am definitely going through one of those times. I have been feeling a bit lost. There has been a shift in what I want to do with my life, but I don't know in what direction that shift is meant to push me in, and that has left me feeling unsettled. I had thought that I was settled, but it turns out that perhaps I am meant to do other things.
Right now, I am definitely going through one of those times. I have been feeling a bit lost. There has been a shift in what I want to do with my life, but I don't know in what direction that shift is meant to push me in, and that has left me feeling unsettled. I had thought that I was settled, but it turns out that perhaps I am meant to do other things.
Thankfully though, the other day I spoke with a friend. I told him how I am questioning what I want to do in the next few years. I explained how every other day different ideas are coming to me: Should I teach art? Move to Paris? Write a children's book? Help people redesign their homes? Go back to fashion school? Get involved in HIV/AIDS education? Stick with what I'm doing but volunteer more? Create paintings? I expressed my fear and upset about not knowing what to do next and my discomfort with being somewhere "in-between."
A huge smile came across his face as he told me, enthusiastically, something to the effect of, "This is great. This is so exciting. You are figuring out who you are now. What will you do next? How wonderful!" In that moment, I realized he was right. The way I had been looking at this was all wrong. I'm not lost, I'm seeking. I'm not powerless, I'm challenging things. I'm not staying still, I'm moving forward.
I realized that living life is about constant growth through experiences, and these shifts, changes, and discoveries are how we achieve a life lived to the fullest. So, now, I'm learning to embrace the uncertainty.
I realized that living life is about constant growth through experiences, and these shifts, changes, and discoveries are how we achieve a life lived to the fullest. So, now, I'm learning to embrace the uncertainty.
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